Witty Tweets that Will Never Get Old!

witty tweets

Share This Post

There are certain things in life that just don’t get old. I find that humor is most definitely one of those things. One of the most vastly used sources for broadcasting personalized humor and well, wit, is none other than Twitter.

witty tweets

Today I would like to show you a variety of witty tweets. That’s right, you’d be surprised what a witty person can do with only 140 characters, let’s take a look!

I have broken these witty tweets down into a few categories: eats, life, and fails.


Because what is life without food discussion:


1. I’ll have a salad, but on top of a burger with cheese.
“So you want a cheeseburger?”
Yes but when you bring it to me say, “here’s your salad.” –@DaddyJew

2. I always bring 2 pop tarts to work, so I can eat one now and the other one also now. –@liv_thatsme

3. Wife just said “burgs” instead of “burgers” and now I’m a little scared to think of what she’s going to do with all the time she saved. –@thestlouisan

4. Does it have apples in it? “No” What about pine? “No pine either.” Perfect, we’ll call it pineapple.

witty tweets

Because, we’re all on the same page here:


1. I’ll take a Friday the 13th over a Monday the 13th every single time. –@CulturedRuffian

2. Apparently towels are the leading cause of dry skin. –@ItsWillyFerrell (Not Will Ferrell)

3. Our relationship with ants is weird. Ants are like “hey, we just want these crumbs, ok?” And we’re all like “NO YOU WILL NOT!” –@longwall226

4. The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese. (Life Hack)

5. DATING TIP: Put your arm around her. Then your other arm. Complete the tackle. 4th down now, they have to punt. Wait this might be football. –@jwoodham

6. Being single during the holiday season means that I can spend more money on myself, so who’s the real winner here?@maddysanders

witty tweets

You got it, because we all have those moments when just… no:


1. The infamous, “you had one job.” (used by well, everyone, when a simple task goes horribly wrong)

2. Always remember that you are unique, just like everyone else. (Life Hacks)

3. The also infamous, “new phone, who dis?” used to represent long, thought out, and heart wrenching text messages that go unanswered as the message recipient claims to have a new phone.

4. That awkward moment when you already said what three times and still have no idea what the persona said, so you just agree.

witty tweets

There you have it! Enough wit for one day? Witty tweets every now and then are sure to gain you some Twitter traction, or entertain you at the very least. Be careful what you say, you may become an overnight Twitter sensation!

Buy Instagram followers

Real Followers. Real people.